OMG! The Best what is the cost of saying no Ever!

1. Saying no helps us grow? Absolutely. But there is a huge difference between “I don’t want to do that” and “I won’t do that unless you give me permission.” The first is a healthy response to a life experience, the second is a manipulation tactic that is the complete opposite of how we need to respond to negative influences in our lives. We have to develop the strength to say no, even if it causes us pain and we will suffer some temporary loss. It’s worth it in the end because we are much stronger for having endured the experience. Here are 4 ways to help you stop being a people pleaser:

2. Realize you will always be a people pleaser to some degree, so stop trying to be perfect at it. Instead, work on being a good enough people pleaser that it doesn’t hold you back from living your dreams.

3. Stop looking for approval from others in the wrong places. Sure, we all like to be appreciated by those we love, but when it comes to achieving our goals and becoming successful, we need to start seeking approval from within. If you have a core value of ‘family’ or ‘friends’, then your number one source of approval should be from them.

The truth is, if you have an issue with someone, no matter how much you ‘want’ to say yes to them, if you are truly being true to yourself, the ‘correct’ thing for you to do is… Say No! Saying no is not a sign of weakness; it is a sign of strength. It is only when you are a healthy adult, able to say no to others, that you can then say yes to yourself. And once you have done this, you will find you have a lot more choices and possibilities open to you. You will feel less entrapped by other people’s expectations and you will start to have the power to truly live your life. It’s only when you are free from trying to curry favour with others and you start to make decisions based on what you really want, that you will discover an amazing amount of freedom and joy in living your life. How can you stop being a people pleaser? One way is to refuse to allow others to control your emotional state. If someone upsets you, don’t take it out on them. Don’t hold a grudge or allow irrational anger to control you. Remember they are human just like you. Another way is to refuse to allow other people to affect your self-esteem. It is easy to get wrapped up in how others perceive you.

On this occasion, I don’t mean physically, I mean in their opinion of you. However, the truth is, what other people think of you is none of your business. You have a much bigger impact on the world around you by the measure of your own esteem. Stop allowing other people to drain your self-esteem. If someone cuts you down, don’t retaliate; instead, respond by lifting them up with appreciation for the input. The more you do this, the less likely they will be to do it again. The third way is to stop trying to please everyone. We all like to feel we are appreciated, but when it comes to life choices and the like, we don’t need to curry favour with everyone. There are certain people who will never agree with us and will try to stop us from living our dreams, no matter how much we try to ‘win them over.’ And finally, the fourth way is to stop looking for approval from outside yourself. If you do this, you will soon discover you have far more self-approval than you realize. All of us need approval from time to time, but the real measure of your self-esteem is how much you approve of yourself. How do we stop being a people pleaser?

On this occasion, let go of the need for other people to approve of you. You are enough. You are whole without other people’s approval. You are complete with out it. Your self-worth is not contingent on anyone’s opinion of you. The next time you find yourself in this situation, ask yourself, ‘Do I really want to do this?’ If the answer is no, then say no. It’s a lot easier to do when you ask the question this way. Another way to stop being a people pleaser is to refuse to allow others to control your future. If your significant other, parent, sibling or friend has a problem with your making some changes to your life, they will do everything within their power to prevent you from making those changes. Refuse to let them control your destiny. Instead, put the control in your hands. If you want to quit your job and become a musician, do it. If you want to go back to school and become a doctor, do it. Don’t wait for someone to give you permission. If they can’t accept it, then they are not worth your time. You don’t need their approval anyway. The only one you really need to approve of is you.

Richard Morden